i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
