Porn is love you can see.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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