I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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