my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
