My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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