I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
