fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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