Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
