Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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