He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
