I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize