so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
