i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The Olympian is in my bed
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