Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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