i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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