She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wear drunk well.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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