Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
