i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
