i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
