That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
