nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
