Someone shit on the floor
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
