I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
