you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
false alarm, still single
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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