Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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