I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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