I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
