His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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