Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
