I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
