btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
