Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it glows. i had to have it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
