remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
