i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
