I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize