I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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