Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
