6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
