so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
