The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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