oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
