3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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