The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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