I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
