His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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