did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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