I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
false alarm, still single
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
