Buhtt sex?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
