a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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