we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
