I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
