His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
