Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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