i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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