apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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