I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
