we'll go far in life on tits alone.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
