if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
