i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
