So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
