I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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