i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
