yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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