If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
