well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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