Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
