i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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