I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
