I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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