8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
