I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
