I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
