3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
