I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
