I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
