I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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