I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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