Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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