birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
