I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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