Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
