dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
