GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
