Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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