So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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