I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
