It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
