I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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