I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
