just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize