There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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