Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I love having hate sex.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
