I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
