they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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