So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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