dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
