So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
false alarm, still single
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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