if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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