So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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