he puts the penis in happiness.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
