i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
