omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
