I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
