he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
