i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
