I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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