That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you had me at cake vodka
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize