we have pet lesbian snakes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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