At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
